I genuinely hate Hallmark Christmas movies. There are dozens of reasons why these movies are awful in my opinion. To prove my point, I recently watched Hallmark’s movie “Christmas in Love.”  No surprise, it turned out to be the most stereotypical Hallmark movie ever.  Here are the main reasons why I would rather hit myself in the ankle with a scooter repeatedly, than watch one of these predictable, sappy movies. 

Hallmark Channel movies are incredibly predictable. The movies are so unsurprising that my mom literally made bingo cards that are made up of the most repeated things throughout the movies. One square might read “an older person gives advice” or “accidental fall requires help.” (If you want to play by the Stone-family rules, you mark your spots with M&Ms.  It’s the only way these movies are bearable. )

In the Hallmark movie “Christmas in Love,” the first time the couple meets, she hits him with her car door, requiring her to help him up.  No way! When movies are this easy to anticipate, it just sucks out all of the enjoyment from the movie. It also doesn’t help that the list of Hallmark actors is shorter than last year’s soccer season.

Another reason I despise these movies so much is that they are so awkward and cheesy. Every single Hallmark movie I’ve seen makes me cringe so hard, whether it’s the awkward running into each other while shopping or the friends trying too hard to set up the couple. You know that feeling when you see two people making out in the hallway at school, that’s what it’s like to watch some of the movie scenes. It’s so cringey how the “couple” always dislikes each other at first, but then ends up in love. Just like the movie I watched, they hate each other because he’s a “jerk” from the corporate world. But,  guess what, deep down he is a really great guy. Surprise, surprise!

The final reason I can’t bring myself to watch these movies are from the sheer amount of plot holes. Can someone please explain how the main characters happen to reunite with their high school sweetheart years after they both moved across the country? Or how mistletoe casually appears above the heads of the newfound lovers at the perfect time for them to kiss? In “Christmas in Love,” the girl almost moves from her small town to her dream city, San Francisco, and it just so happens that the love interest who moves to her tiny town in Missouri is from San Francisco.  (Insert shocked-Kevin-face from Home Alone.) If you can explain to me how something like this happens in every single movie please make a Hallmark movie with a better plot.

I truly feel like Hallmark movies have potential to be somewhat decent, but they just are not. I legitimately can’t bring myself to watch one more. The only way I can explain how much I hate Hallmark movies is to say that I would rather listen to Lizzo on repeat than watch a full Hallmark movie.