Do you love cheap refreshments, mediocre music and trash all over the ground? If so, you should have gone to Morp!

Morp was on Nov. 3 and saw a modest amount of guests. The front of the commons area was practically a mosh pit, but everywhere else was just empty space. It was great if you wanted to do your trademark stupid dances without many people seeing you.

The trash all over the ground caused many slips including my own, which I, a sociopath and masochist, found extremely funny. It also worked very well for doing some righteous slidey dance moves, but only if you were cool enough to pull them off. I clearly wasn’t, but I love making a fool of myself. People also kept spilling drinks and other items on the ground. To the people who were lying on the floor, I only hope you understand that the filth of an entire generation was all over you.

The music was okay, I guess, but the speakers were awful. Seriously, when you put boppin’ music on overly cracking speakers, it’s just [Bad News Bears] for everybody. It was as if somebody was making booming noises with their mouth. I was very annoyed and a little spooked.

I could forgive all of this if it wasn’t for one thing. They never played “El Tiburón.” I use hyperbole often and most of what I say isn’t serious, but I may be right when I say “El Tiburón” is the entire reason many people went. It was probably just me actually, but still, why didn’t they play it? Is it because they were afraid of the reaction? Is it because it’s not even that good of a song, but I find it so absurd, that it’s funny? I was appalled and, frankly, ashamed that it was not heard. I prayed for the song to be played, but my prayers were lost in a vacuum of pure nihilism.

Morp was okay if you aren’t me, but I have very odd taste. I prefer stupid joke songs and memes over good times and happiness. I give Morp zero “Tiburónes” out of one.